The Flabbergasting Dating World: Ghosting, The ‘New’ Breakup Concept.

“Someone Disappearing on you doesn’t reflect your worth. It reflects their fear of being ‘seen’”

I’m sure all of us has experienced this situation in the past and yes it can be heartbreaking. No matter how hard you try to understand why you’ll never have the answer. The answer won’t belong to you or in something you did.

In fact, just reflects their real intentions towards you or at least their afraid of being hurt and provide real love and companionship.

Ghosting is the term used to describe the situation when your partner, male or female, cease all the communications with you and never comeback.

It isn’t a new phenom, but because dating apps and because couples do all their communication through message or social media, has been studied the last decade with more intensity to understand better the behavior of women and men in the new-age intimate relationships.

It’s very common now in our days hear stories of women that were dating one guy and he out of the blue disappear. But believe me, women do that too.

What are the consequences of receiving the ultimate silent treatment after several dates or being in a committed relationship?

With this behavior what’s the message we are passing to the other person?

Meanwhile we can’t simply categorize ghosts as bad people, in fact, most of them wants real love and real connection but don’t know how to sustain it and don’t recognize their attachment style and how it influence their actions. They are avoidants. With ghosting phenomenon they avoid the conflict in first place, they avoid the fear of being rejected and left down. They avoid hard conversations or the fabricated probability of being used. Fabricated because avoidant people, depends of the avoidance level, always try to find something wrong in their partners to withdraw. Like a bad inner voice saying:

- See I told you she is using you! She don’t love you!
- He is like many others! Why you keep believing on him?

They deflect, they shutdown emotionally to prevent themselves from future hurt. Yes, on the way they hurt many people but I will leave that for another article, ok?

How to prevent ghosting:

- Be real and honest about your boundaries;

- Don’t chase but be upfront about your needs and desires;

- Focus on your life;

- Don’t give up on love;

- Always give the right pace to a new relationship, too hot too soon is no good;

- Spend time with people you care about;

- Remember, when ghosting happen it’s all about them, not about you;

- Don’t intoxicate your life with internet;

- If you are in a relationship try to find your own dynamic and your attachment style;

- Keep your relationships alive and rich, use phone calls instead of instant messages to nurture them;

- Don’t allow ghosting to become a social norm, apologise but move on;

- If your partner is avoidant but wants to move on with you, seek for professional help or read as much as you can about avoidant attachment style. We can all have a secure relationship;

- The last but not the least remember your worth and how beautiful you are.



With love,



Alexandra Santos