The Paradox of Being Taken for Granted By Our Partner

"Do not take anything for granted—not one smile or one person or one rainbow or one breath, or one night in your cozy bed" Guillemots



If in one hand it's true we shouldn't take anything for granted in life, what about intimate relationships? 
When it comes to intimate relationships, taking for granted, can be a paradox with negative connotation. 

Why? Be in love or build a strong bond requires work from both parties. However illogical it may seem, as often as not this isn't what happens. Many times your partner gives you "gifts" to inspire you to give the relationship much more time and energy, but sadly you see it, at some level, like he or she will be always there for you and you don't need to proactively reciprocate. 

At this point "taking for granted" is empathic neglect the needs of the other person, which leads us to serious ethical questions. As human beings we need to feel appreciated for what we do for others, not having any kind of feedback or cold appreciation at the long run can cause distress and discouragement. 

In fact more than "paid back" in kind, we need to feel that the other person is genuinely grateful for the vital role we play in their lives. It's also important to understand that they need to feel listened, taken seriously, or feel free to talk about frustrations they might experienced in the relationship or life. 

Being short and incisive they need to feel from us what, so preciously, they've given to us. 

Taken for granted can be seen as feeling used, exploited, cheated and even betrayed. 

How can those feelings being generated? 

Do your remember the courtship period? 

Courtship is all about the promise of true love, compassion, vulnerability and support. We have to look at our intimate relationships with other eyes and admit, that more than we wish, our responsibility for not putting as much effort into nurturing each other as a good relationship demands. Relationships aren't meant to keep you in a state of "I"  but to move forward into a state of "We". 

Remember that no matter how well matched you and your partner may be, you need to put all your effort to keep it vibrant and alive. Don't allow yourself and don't expect the other person to row the boat alone. You are a team. Be thankful for the things that person provides to you - energy, time, love, understanding. 

Love is to be consistent. Love is to be conscious.

As a final note I would like to say that the way we behave in our relationships have a direct association with our attachment style, love language and emotional wounds. 


Be your best self!

Love,

Alexandra Santos